I did not enter Project Becomings as a researcher standing outside the experiences being explored. I am also a survivor of childhood trauma, and my own lived experience formed part of the position from which I researched, listened, questioned and interpreted.

 

Rather than attempting to remove this part of myself in pursuit of researcher neutrality, I approached my position as something that required ongoing attention, reflexivity and ethical responsibility. Sharing aspects of lived experience could create possibilities for connection, reciprocity and different conversations with co-researchers. But shared experience did not mean shared understanding.

 

Being a survivor did not give me automatic access to another person's experience, nor did it remove the differences in power and responsibility created by my position as the researcher.

 

My position therefore involved continually negotiating what it meant to be both researcher and survivor: when lived experience became visible, when it remained private, when disclosure might contribute something to the research encounter, and when it might instead take up space that belonged to somebody else.

 

This position was not separate from the research. It shaped relationships, ethical decisions, knowledge-making and how I understood my responsibilities within Project Becomings.